GuyRule #39.0: Fat Etiquette
"The rule is you can NEVER (complete breach of etiquette) reach over and grab the guy's love handles. Okay, that stuff is reserved for your wife only, okay? You don't want no other guy grabbing the shit. So if you walk up to the guy and you say, 'How're ya doin' Joe,' and you grab his little fat-gut, that's a total breach. The exception might be in the long-time, totally-know-the-guy friendship.
Of course, with the wife, then there's the old 'Honey, it's okay to grab hold of it,' the 'Honey, go ahead and grab hold of my fat cause I'm too fat, look how big I'm gettin' honey.' That's an acceptable kind of grab." -G
"Another piece of etiquette on fat is, when a guy says to another guy, 'Yeah, I'm puttin' on the pounds,' while patting his gut, the other guy, even if he's really skinny, has to kind of say the same about himself, too. Like 'Yeah, you know, gettin' big, puttin' on the pounds...' that kind of thing. You always make the other guy feel better by the SHARING OF THE FAT." -D
"Ha, that's right, you've gotta admit, 'Yeah, I have put on a few, you know?' Then of course the other part of that is you've been dreading the other guy coming over to see the fact that you've put on all that fat. You don't want anyone else to see it, so you're gonna lose weight just because you don't want the other guy to know how out of shape you are. Chances are, he's doin' the same shit, knowin' you're coming into town; he's trying to lose weight at the same time. That's just a Guy Rule and it's pretty much accepted." -G